The fading rainbow

I can hardly believe that it’s 2016.  In a blink of an eye, it’s here.  I remember when Brittany was born.  In fact, with the birth of each of my children, I played the same game.  This little baby will graduate high school in 2009 (that was Ryan), 2014 (that was Sean), and 2016 (that was Brittany).  It seemed so far away, unimaginable really.  And the older moms all said the same thing.  It will go faster than you can believe.  Don’t blink.  And they were right.

Ryan’s graduation, I thought I would be a blubbery mess.  My first little bird, leaving the nest.  But I guess I had the other two to deal with, and I was so surprised that I shed not one tear as “Pomp and Circumstance” challenged me to lose it.  Distractions are a blessing.

Sean’s graduation was a bit different.  While growing up, he was more involved in sports.  I had a chance to know a few of his many friends.  It was actually exciting to see so many faces and recognize so many names as they marched across the stage to accept their diplomas, their pages of proof that they survived the turmoil that is high school.

Brittany is my baby.  And I can’t believe it’s time for her to graduate.  Here it is, 2016.  Just the thought of her leaving the nest brings tears to my eyes.  She’s kept me very busy – dance lessons and recitals, piano lessons and recitals, softball practices and games, basketball practices and tournaments.  She’s going to college, not very far away, but she won’t be here.  I won’t know what she is doing, where she is.  But I raised her to be herself, to be independent, to fly.  And she will.

I’m not sure what I will do with myself.  Those older moms assure me that I will actually find myself again.  That my husband and I will be best friends again.  The past 25 years have been all about running the kids to all their activities.  Stocking the shelves with all the food they like to eat.  Preparing the meals they love to eat.

The calendar that I had to color code so that I could keep life straight is now a fading rainbow.

The problem is, I can’t remember my life before I had kids.  I’m sure gardening will be a very big part of what I do.  I have neglected the gardens the past few summers.  Thank goodness for perennials!  They have survived even when I wasn’t looking.

For now, I’m helping with the events of her senior year.  It’s flying, though.  The older moms warned me about that!  Helping plan the senior banquet for her Lacrosse team, shopping for gowns and shoes for her senior prom, planning the graduation party.  So much to think about, so much to do.  It’s probably a good thing.

Keeps me from thinking about what I really don’t know.  What is next?

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2 Replies to “The fading rainbow”

  1. What’s next? Grandchildren. I don’t know who said it but it was something like “If I had known they were so wonderful, I would have had them first.” The empty nest is truly empty, but you have so much to fill it with.

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